The Keeper

The Keeper

I look outward, unto the world,

And sea

Nothing.

A vast swaying desert of haze gray

I live within this old lighthouse

I am its caretaker

I am its consciousness

I used to think this journey was my own

Now I see, this is about her

This is her story

She is the seeker

And I am the one she seeks

I’ve stood alone on this rock

Inside this lighthouse longer than I care to remember

Each day I awaken to the sunrise

And the calls of seagulls perched atop the cupola

No matter how tired or how weary

I move this body to purpose

I clean the outer walls and scrub away bird droppings

The tide and current provide me with food

I try to remain strong and hopeful

But it has been so long

I fear she may never come

I make sure the beacon’s light never dims

Water levels rise but the foundation remains strong

But how long can it last?

Night falls

And the ocean’s roar is mightier

Underneath the pale moonlight

At our darkest hour… we see clearest

In the distance, could it be? 

Something rides atop the waves

Could it be her?

No

It’s just driftwood

They approach us often

Lost, broken, and looking for the rest of themselves

I light the way for them as best I can

And send them off

They are not her

The storm and rain threatens the signal

I’ve sacrificed it all to keep this lighthouse

To make sure the light shines for her

Hoping and begging for her to see it

Wherever she may be

What makes her so special?
This is for her to discover

Her journey requires it

She must do this in order to break the fog of conformity

She must find her true strength within, never without

Meanwhile…

I walk the corridors

Up the winding staircase

My lantern in hand

Tired yet restless

A chance to stretch my weary legs

I’m running out of time

And yet I am ageless

Alone at sea

Loveless

Yet nothing frightens me more

Than the thought of fading alone

We’re all fading

The beacon, my constant companion

There are days when I just want to sleep

But it reminds me to keep on the lookout for her

This tower, though brutally ravaged by the sea

And mother nature’s wraith

It remains unbroken

An example of strength and fortitude

I lay myself to sleep at night with this in mind

Dreams of her love and our bliss

There is no eternity worth envisioning without her in it

She is my reason

One that shall never fade.

-Nevada J. Wolf

7/9/2011

This one is a part of a set of poems to be included in a chapbook I've been piecing together.  It's full of metaphors... almost nothing is to be taken literally... not even the title. 

I almost never use punctuation... feels restrictive.  I love ellipsis... I use them often instead of commas.

I used the lighthouse keeper as the speaker in this one to give a deeper sense of isolation and loneliness.

Writing is my Therapy

I'd found an old typewriter a long time ago... it looked like a bulky briefcase, but you flip the top up and inside was a typewriter.  I think that might have been the little thing in my life that sparked a passion within me.  I was ten years old and just returned from my first Taekwondo tournament.  I wrote as best a ten year old could... all lowercase letters in a single centered column down the middle of the page.  I talked about the experience and how my heart raced and how good it felt to win even if it was only a bronze medal.

To this day, writing has served a major purpose in my life and has helped to keep me sane in this world.  From then on I kept journals throughout my life.  The journals helped me through high school, college, the military, and life in general.

As a writer it is important to never stop writing.  Writing can be no different, in terms of art form and craft, as painting or playing a musical instrument in that if you don't use it, you lose it.  This is one of the reasons why I keep this blog, and the same goes for many other published and unpublished authors.  I find journal writing particularly helpful because I am unrestricted in every sense.  I don't have to focus on capitalization, punctuation, style, selling anything, or marketing anything... I just write.

So in a lot of ways writing has been a form of therapy for me.  Writing helps me to release a lot of tension and stress.  People may ask, "Really?  You write 300+ pages of a novel and then you write some more?"  Well, yeah, but like I said it is a different form of writing.  It has helped me a great deal in life and never gets old and boring because my life never gets old and boring... and I write about my life and those around me.  It helps me to keep my mind sharp and active in writing.  Some people even recommend just going outside and writing what you see, which I know is something that helps a lot also.

Aside from journal writing I also write poetry, essays, and long emails to that special someone.  I think they all serve a purpose, but again my favorite is journal writing.  Here in Los Angeles there are some really nice shops for writers that sell these beautiful leather bound journals.  When I was in the Navy I snuck one into basic training that had (in Kanji / Japanese) the word "Peace" on the outside... HA!  I wrote in the dark at night, when I was on bed rest from having my wisdom teeth pulled, and throughout the rest of my training.  There were a few times during the writing of The Mechanical Room that I referred to my journal because the Alliance of Defenders in the Starlight Queendom are a naval force and I had to reference some naval terms.  And though there are things I will never forget about the military... a lot of it is better preserved in my journals than in my memory.

(Recommended reading: A Handbook To Literature by William Harmon and C. Hugh Holman)